I’ve just gotten home from a trip out of town to my cousin’s wedding. I enjoyed myself, but I’m tired in all aspects really. Physically, due to my lack of sleep. Emotionally, due to my heart being broken into multiple pieces. Mentally, due to the injustice going on in this country. Spiritually, due to the fact that I’ve been in a rut. I’m just tired.
This isn’t how I planned my summer. Initially, I intended on spending most of my time studying and working. The latter didn’t happen, ok ok, neither did the former. Everything came to a resounding NO. No job. No studying. No money. No no no…
This gave me ample time to myself and to be quite honest, I hated it. I didn’t like doing nothing while it seemed like everyone and their mom was doing something awesome with their lives. I didn’t like being badgered by my parents for certain decisions I’ve made about my future. Although I consider myself an introvert, I didn’t want to be by myself. I became less motivated and threw myself a many pity parties over the course of this summer. Sigh, why wasn’t anything going right? Hosea 2: 6-7 (NLT) says
6 “For this reason I will fence her in with thornbushes. I will block her path with a wall to make her lose her way.
7 When she runs after her lovers, she won’t be able to catch them. She will search for them but not find them. Then she will think, ‘I might as well return to my husband,for I was better off with him than I am now.’
God told Hosea to marry a prostitute (Gomer) not just for the sake of it, but to emulate the relationship between God and Israel. How does this pertain to me? Well in this case, I was the prostitute. God blocked me from a job, studying, guys and was trying to force me to return to Him, but I don’t want to listen. I spent the time He has granted me by throwing pity parties, spending countless hours on social media, being lazy and keeping my Bible closed. Jesus didn’t die for me, so I can stay stagnant. No, there’s a purpose that needs me to fulfill it. Sitting around waiting in faith without works is pointless. One thing I stress is I’m not going to pretend like I always read my Bible and I’m this perfect Christian girl that uplifts everyone with cool scripture quotes throughout social media. It’s a facade. It’s a battle to even open my Bible and read it. The moment I realized the bigger picture and that there’s a greater work at hand a shift began to happen.
Three words kept perpetuating in my head from the Holy Spirit once I began to use my time wisely and efficiently
–self worth: No one but God has the right to tell me my worth. Who better than my Creator to describe to me why I am the way I am. I matter. My skin color matters. I am worth more than jewels and if someone doesn’t see that then it’s ok. Just pray for them
–contentment: I have to be ok with who I am, where I am and where I am going. My vertical view has to be greater than my horizontal view. Yes, Susie and Paul are doing xyz, but they’re not doing YOUR xyz. Focus on what God wants you to do
–intentional: Seek out God without prompting of man. Best way to illustrate this is through the initiation of a relationship (of course). If a guy wants you, then they will intentionally pursue you (I could be petty here, but God said no). Seek God as if nothing else around matters and you’re going to get God no matter what. Or even better, pursue God like you’d pursue the last piece of goat meat left at an African/Caribbean get together.
I thank God for giving me these words to marinate in my mind and heart.I don’t have too much time left before school begins once again, but I will use it wisely to do things like write this post that I’ve slacked on. I will actually read a physical book, finally work out like I said I would like 5 years ago, seek God and stop worrying about myself only. There’s so much need in this world and God has placed people like you and me to tackle those needs. I hope this encourages someone. Til next time playas and playettes!